Here's to the sluts

This post is a follow-up to the thought process begun in an earlier post called Help I'm Losing my Depth


I'm a very sensitive guy.

I cry easily, I tend to make friends with girls more easily than I do with guys, (I make friends with guys, it just happens more easily with girls) I have an uncanny ability to read the subtext between people... I have an instinct about people that borders on "women's intuition".

I'm also a very passionate guy.

I do things intensely, (even when I'm doing nothing) I feel things intensely and I can express them intensely. When I feel passionate about what I'm talking about, I tend to speak like I'm on stage, talking to an audience and making sure the person in the last row doesn't miss a word. (it doesn't help that I was trained to do this) ...think Al Pacino when he's slightly over the top – which is most of the time.

Now, before you start thinking that I'm some kind of unstable, violent, emotional mess, I should add that all this is kept in check by a powerful rational mind, a deep compassion and sensitivity to others' wellbeing and a curse that condemns me to always see both sides of an issue and which sometimes leads to an unhealthy passivity. I'm one of those guys of whom they say: "not a mean bone in his body"

These two traits have their disadvantages... They've caused me my share of problems throughout my life. But when it comes to sex, it appears they make for an absolutely killer combination. -- Ok, if this sounds like I'm saying I think I'm good in bed, it's because I am (saying it). I don't want to brag [yes you do, says a voice in my head] but it's central to what I'm trying to say in this post. My confidence in saying it comes from the many things almost every woman I've ever made love with has told me... the common thread being that I was "the" or "among the" best they'd ever had. ...that I was "a keeper", etc... At first, I truly thought this was just something all girls told guys to keep them happy and devoted. Seriously, I imagined girls and women transmitting that advice through the ages... I even saw some evidence of it. But as I confronted most women with my theory... enough of them made a sincere enough plea to convince me that I really was "a rare find among men" when it came to making love.

One might think that this would make me some kind of Casanova or heartbreaker... the kind of guy that girls fawn over and so on... Except that...

I am completely and utterly clueless when it comes to approaching, pursuing, or seducing women.

My so-called ability to read people's emotional subtext seems to only apply to what I sense between other people... When it comes to someone interacting with me, my insecurities and caution completely interfere with my intuition about the other. And if I'm sexually attracted to the person, it's like all of my empathic intelligence vanishes and I turn into this big, blundering, mechanical, speak-only-when-spoken-to-and-blurt-out-nothing-but-platitudes, boring, geeky automaton.

I am very lucky to be a half decent-looking, "cute" guy... and that, though I'm shy, I'm not awkward... when I finally do open my mouth, a feat in and of itself; I tend to come across as smart, articulate and perceptive. Without these graces working in my favour, I'm sure I would have lost my virginity much later than I did (17) and I certainly wouldn't have the sexual confidence I have today. (I'd also probably be married, desperately holding on to the one I have, and not asking myself all these existential questions about women, sex and relationships... but I digress) The point is I had enough redeeming qualities that some women decided they wanted me, and showed enough initiative to draw me out, lead me by the hand and take me to bed. ...And then, decided they wanted to keep me.

...

In my early years, what saved me were the sexually aggressive girls. Better known as the "sluts"... As teenagers, we all want to have sex, but all have issues and anxieties about how to go about it... (Guys too, heck, we're expected to take the lead and have terrible road maps! While girls are conditioned to be passive to obtain our approval) A slut is just a girl who, tired of waiting for the guy to get his s#*t together, decides at some point to take the initiative and push things further on her own, just to see what'll happen, and quickly discover how easy it is to get a guy to cooperate in such matters... and then, often woefully disappointed in the initial result, she tries again with other guys... every time discovering a bit more how easy guys are ...and how lame we are (especially at that age) at satisfying a woman. If she's not careful, she gets a reputation... and then guys start coming to her thinking finally someone with who I can skip all that confusing bs and get down to business. Even the more popular higher social status guys (the ones girls go googoo eyed for, the ones for whom they magically open their legs) start to come to her. She's not that different from other girls... she falls for him too... but by now, she's "the slut", he's just coming to her because he doesn't have to work as hard as with other girls, she cooperates... but there's no way he wants to go out with her "in front of everyone"... her heart breaks ... she just wanted what everyone else wanted... now she's being punished for having dared to go for it. It's just so unfair.

...Hey wait a minute! This was supposed to be about me.

Right, so I was saying how the sexually aggressive girls saved me from prolonged virginity. On her journey to try men out for size, the sexually aggressive woman eventually sets her sights on me. (Later, she'll tell me that she was attracted by the intensity that seemed to sometimes shine though my mild mannered appearance) Deciding she might as well try me too, she uses her tricks on me (later commenting that I was particularly thick at times) and gets me into bed with her. And then, instead of just another guy who's clueless about pleasing her, she gets a sensual and sexual dynamo, eager to please her in every way possible and who seems to know just what to do and when to do it.

All right, at this point I can hear the groans of "this guy is really full of himself!" But I can't tell you how often I've heard, once the lovemaking is over, the equivalent of "Wow! Where'd you learn that?" or "How did you know?" ...which often leaves me a little perplexed since, though I learned a lot from reading Penthouse Letters as a kid, and later from watching porn, the specific thing I'm being asked about is usually either something I've just tried for the first time, or it's the first time I've done it quite that way, or it's something I just knew she would like at that moment. All I can say about it is I listen to my partner... Guys, if you're reading this, listen to your partner, not just with your ears, with your heart... with your soul. Every breath she takes, every moan, every movement of her body tells you what to do.


At this point her pattern is broken and one of two things happen she either decides I'm a keeper and we start a relationship... or she figures I'm not what she's looking for on her journey to success but unlike other men, she'll keep seeing me... Later, this would be the pattern of most of what were supposed to be one night stands... I would meet a woman through a personals service; she would make it clear beforehand that she was only interested in a one night stand; I would agree to it and after the sex, she'd decide I was a keeper and she'd want to see me again and me, affective whore that I was, willing to sell his soul for a little love, I would agree and a casual or sometimes serious relationship would ensue.

The point I'm trying to make, (other than trying to convince my female readers that I'm a really great lover and that they should get in touch with me) is that if it hadn't been for sexually aggressive women, It's quite likely that no one would have discovered what a great lover I am... not even myself.

So here's to all the sluts out there. I think it's completely twisted the way our social constructs work against you. Thanks to you, shy, sensitive, passionate guys like me get to blossom. ...and you get to enjoy the benefits of that. ;)


This post was supposed to be about how just about every woman I've ever hooked up with chose me first and made the first move and how I've almost never ended up with the women I chose to pursue. And about my cluelessness in the field of pursuing women and recent things I learned about that and about myself in regards to that. But after re-reading this post, I decided to end it here and leave the other things for later.