It's funny because it's true...

Of Curves and Angles (don't worry, it's about sex)

A brilliant MySpace friend of mine, Tatiana, recently posted a bulletin asking a question that, I would imagine, might be more and more on many women's mind these days...

What's up with the whole girl-kinda-looks-like-a-young-boy-or-skeleton-dipped-in-wax-genetically-impossible-for-practically-all-women-to-attain-in-the-first-place look that everybody seems to be promoting/obsessing over these days?

As a man who doesn't get it either, this is a question I've been asking myself for a long time... I know that my earliest blog posts here were about how though I've always felt different than most men in what attracted me to women, I was beginning to find a kinship with my male compatriots in my newfound, growing and powerful yet purely physical attraction to women with "tight young bodies"...

But Tatiana's question (and acquired wisdom since I wrote those early posts) got me to conclude that this is really an age phenomenon where, as I grow older, I'm becoming more and more attracted to the vitality and promise of youth (I suspect I'm destined to become quite the dirty old man) more than anything akin to what most men have been chasing after since high-school.

It simply occurred to me that when I think "tight young body", I'm not talking about that crazy, impossibly thin ideal that everybody, Hollywood starlets in the lead, seems to be chasing after these days...

Because it seems to me that if I were to distill the strictly physical aspect of what drives me crazy in a woman to a single word, it would be this one:

Curves

A woman's ass should be round... her hips should be round... her breasts should be round... It seems to me I'm looking for curves not angles.

[Yes I know, age and gravity are cruel and such traits are fleeting... I'm only describing an ideal here]

So all this to say that... I don't really get it either.

But as a man who considers himself in touch with his feminine side... let me emit the following hypothesis to try and explain where this obsession with women who, as Tatiana put it, look like "a seven year old boy" might come from in most men:

Latent homo-erotic desire.

I would postulate that were it not for the extremely powerful anti-gay social stigma among men that prevents them from even acknowledging to themselves, let alone others, the least bit of attraction they might sometimes feel for another man (and more often, as history and nature seem to show, for young men)... were it not for that stigma, men would have no problem distinguishing this from what attracts them to women... instead of unwittingly projecting their suppressed homo-erotic desires on women.

I believe that most if not all men have at least some level of homo-erotic desire... We humans are truly complex and fascinating creatures... with contradictory impulses and unsuspected potential for the most extraordinary actions... [ok I'm going off topic] This takes nothing away from the fact that most men are inexorably attracted to and built for women. We are, all of us, products of this whole process called natural selection where one of the main points is for the two sexes to get together and make (and nurture) a bunch of babies. (gotta love that making babies part)

[One of the other points of natural selection is also to produce as much variety and flexibility as possible, hence the presence of homosexuality and other variants throughout nature]

So I suspect that this current trend toward this strange genderless ideal that is being imposed on women is just part of the current scary but inevitable collective madness/trauma surrounding the ongoing "outing" of the stigma against homosexuality and other sexual lifestyles and variations. And I think (hope) that as this stigma continues to be fritted away at and men become more comfortable with their own homo-erotic desires (as they'd currently all like women to be) we should all settle back to worshipping some more sane and, in my opinion, sexually desirable (and curvy) female ideal.

What do you think?



[Note: It occurred to me as I was writing this that another explanation might be that the fashion industry is mostly run by a bunch of gay men who also get the final say on the esthetics of it all. But even if that were true, I don't think it gets in the way of what I'm saying... Otherwise you'd have to believe that a bunch of homosexuals are executing a secret plot to brainwash heterosexual men into becoming gay by making them desire androgynous women or that they're trying to turn women into men or some other such nonsense...]

My Brain, Explained

I just couldn't resist...
This is, after all, My Brain.

My Favourite Emoticon

I have finally found an emoticon that truly symbolizes hapiness ...as I conceive of it.

Dream Job

Peaches: Music to Make Your Mother Blush (if not you)

Anyone who knows me knows that I am a horny little devil interested in anything to do with sexuality and as such, I'm always on the lookout for music with sexual undertones or themes and the such...

Here's an artist I discovered a while back thanks to the movie Lost in Translation




Her name is Peaches and let's just say she doesn't do "subtle undertones"...





Here are a few samples:*


Peaches - Fuck The Pain Away


Peaches - AA XXX


Peaches - Operate


Peaches - Kick It (featuring Iggy Pop)


Peaches - Casanova (featuring Mignon)


And here she is featured on a track by Pink:


Pink - Oh My God (featuring Peaches)

*(Right-click on the title and choose 'Save Target As...' to download the song)

More "ASCII Art"

I thought I had found some pretty elaborate stuff when I posted this... But I never cease to be amazed by what some poeple will come up with:

___________88:::::::::::888::::8888888888888888888888888
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_8888888888::::88:::::::::::::::M888:::::::::::::::::M88z88888888888888888
8888888888:::::8::::::::::::::::M88888::::::::::::MM888!888888888888888888
888888888:::::8::::::::::::::::M8888888MAmAMVMM88*88888888___88888888
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_888___M::::::::::::::::::::M8888888888888M:::::mM888888888888____888
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Where you been all my life?

All my life I've been clamoring for something like this in the world of erotica/porn... (apparently this site is partly at the origin of the term altporn) I can't believe I didn't know about this before today... or that it took myspace to show it to me.

Here's to "Unconventional Beauty"... My favourite kind.

If I was a stationary bike...

The Dildo Song

Apparently, this is a classic... Well I caught it for the first time today and I agree. It's a real gem!

The people who came up with this can be found here: DamnThe.com - The Official Home of THE DILDO SONG viral video classic comedy short film



The Dildo Song
lyrics by: Robert D. Brooks
parody of: "The Slinky Song" ad jingle of the 1950's and 60's

What rolls down stairs?
Alone or in pairs?
And, makes a buzz-ity sound?
It's long - a schlong - a marvelous dong!
Everyone knows - it's dildo!

What fits in a sock?
Feels better than cock?
And, unlike a man, it's slow
It vibrates a bit
Feels great on your clit
Everyone knows - it's dildo!

It's Dildo! It's Dildo!
It's big - it's fleshy - it's ribbed
It's Dildo! It's Dildo!
Yes, that's right, it's ribbed

What fits in your crack?
Some even have sac's?
The penis you don't have to blow
They're not just for gays
They use double-a's (AA's)
Everyone knows - it's dildo!

A dildo-dog. A dildo-plane.
Many more vibrating toys
You turn the knob - they buzz and throb
Feels great in girls and boys!

What makes you cum?
And, fits in your bum?
Some of them even can glow!
A dink! A dink! In marvelous pink!
Everyone knows - it's dildo!

A long fleshy tube
Use oil-based lube
Not just for the neighbourhood ho's
For a Girl on the go
With no time for a beau
It makes for the perfect fellow

They're dildoes! They're dildoes!
The sex toys that everyone likes!
They're dildoes! They're dildoes!
For gay men and even for dykes!

Disclaimer:

Some dildoes not exactly as shown. Batteries not included. Not to be used as a flotation device. Some animal testing has occurred. Please use a lubricant. Insert rounded end first. Not for use in the shower. May cause choking if used improperly. Vaginal flatulence may ensue. If swallowed, do not induce vomiting. Discontinue use if irritation or abnormal swelling occur. May induce labour in pregnant women. Dill-Dough Brand Dildoes have caused cancer in some laboratory animals. Do not use excessive force while inserting dildo. May explode if placed in fire. Dill-Dough Brand Dildoes are not intended to replace the male sexual organ - only as a temporary substitute when a penis is not readily available...

More fun with personality tests.

Wow, I knew I was twisted, but 93% "Slave to BDSM"?... Well, at least they have me as 83% "Sex God"

Does anybody out there have any ideas how I can lose the 23% virgin I have left?...

You scored as A Slave To BDSM. Admit it, you like being tied up and being told you've been very naughty. You like teasing your partner and making them squirm, and not letting them be able to do anything about it. Some people think what you do is sick and disgusting, but you know it's all in good fun. A Slave To BDSM 93% Sex God 83% A Romantic 50% Virgin 23% How are you in bed created with QuizFarm.com

...

Woohoo!!! 100% Hot!

You scored as Hot. You are Hot, you scream and are wild, people love doing anything sexual with you. Hot 100% Wet 75% Exciting 75% Soft 63% Violent 56% Shy 56% Sweet 38% Awkward 25% What is your sexual style? created with QuizFarm.com

...

You scored as Exciting/Exotic. Your exciting and exotic. You like to keep things interesting. You never try the same thing twice. Mixing it up is what you love to do, it keeps them coming back for more. Exciting/Exotic 90% Passionate/wet 85% Hot/hard 85% Shy/Sweet 45% Soft/slow 20% Awkward/New 0% How are you about sex? (with pics) created with QuizFarm.com

...

Man! These things are making me out to be a total freak!

You scored as Chains/Handcuffs. Your turn on is handcuffs and chains. You like being cuffed/chained to the bed, or cuffing/chaining your partner down. You love the pure ectasy of being in complete control... or letting someone else have complete control over you. Sex isn't sex without control. Chains/Handcuffs 83% Bondage 83% Whips 75% Blind Folds 67% Biting 58% Blood 17% What's Your Kinky Turn On? created with QuizFarm.com

...

This one had me down as a tie between face and boobs...
I answered the face question on the tiebreaker because
faces play a much more important role in
determining what attracts me to a woman...

But other than that, I have to admit I am a boob man. Big ones, small ones, all shapes and sizes... I love 'em all! Except maybe fake ones... Some of those are just ...weird.

You scored as Face. You are attracted to: faces. You are a face person. Boobs 75% Face 75% Butt 67% Abs/Stomach 58% Penis 0% What Body Part Are You Attracted To?(pics) created with QuizFarm.com

...

This one is my favourite!
No really, it's ok girls, I'm a lesbian!

You scored as Lesbian. Lesbian 80% Straight 40% Bisexual 35% Gay 15% Are you Bisexual, Straight, gay/lesbian? created with QuizFarm.com

Man! The things you find on the internet...

Tests like this are silly (but fun)

According to this thing, I prefer "rough" sex. Well, now... While it's certainly true I like rough sex, I can give it, I can take it, rough sex is fun! But it is far from the only flavor I enjoy... I don't know that it's my favorite.

But nevertheless, these thing are fun!

You prefer Rough sex! You like it ROUGH. Hard, great, wonderful slamming sex is your type of sex. More the product of lust than love - and utterly horny - rough sex is what satisfies you.

'What is the best type of sex for you?' at QuizUniverse.com

You have a sexual IQ of 157 When it comes to sex, you are a super genius. You have had a lot of experience, and sex interests you so you know a lot about it. You pride yourself on being a source of information and guidance to all of your friends. Take this quiz at QuizUniverse.com

ASCII Erotica

I was going to post this as the kinkiest piece of "ascii art" I had come across

/`  `.__
\_ _.,  `'-._ _.--.
 _`_  ) |     /  _ \
/   `/ /'---./  / \ \--.___
\__./ /--..    /``-\ '-.___`\
   '-'     `--`     `--`   \/ 

But I did a little research before posting and found this

"Bondage ABC"

Presented without comment

The Nicest Thing a Woman's Ever Said to Me After Having Sex

A couple of years ago, a woman told me something while relaxing after we had sex for the first time.

She said: "All women should know you."

Now I think that's about the honest to goodness greatest thing in the whole gee-whiz universe that a gal could tell a guy after they've had sex. It works on so many levels for us...

Last November, I was reflecting on that and it inspired this short text (in french) which I since have been debating whether or not to post once I had this whole blog thing figured out. Well, here goes... I'm already half embarassed by it and I'm pretty sure if I look back on this in a few years I'll want to gag, but it does reflect some of what I think about love relationships and that feeling called jealousy that I don't seem to possess in the same way as most.

No Means.....whoa!

Found this on a random blog and thought it was a keeper (thx tgiokdi, whoever you are)... Not exactly what I had in mind for my first post in this section but it is what it is. Wish I knew where to get the t-shirt :p

My Confined Space: No Means.....whoa!:

No means
Eat me out first.